The Disappearing Gentleman
A S A T I R I C A L E S S A Y
By: Sheila Busteed
Gentlemen should be added to the endangered species list.
After being aggressively hunted by methodical females, the gentleman is nearing extinction. This is a sad state for this rare creature, considering that many of its fans deem it to be a diamond in the rough world of dating.
The gentleman has followed a peculiar evolutionary line in recent history, with different breeds present all over the world. Many common traits among them include the opening of car and building doors, volunteering to pay for dinner during a date, standing when a lady joins or leaves a table, displaying good etiquette and demonstrating kind and polite speaking habits in public. These are but a few, among other such examples.
Gentlemen should be added to the endangered species list.
After being aggressively hunted by methodical females, the gentleman is nearing extinction. This is a sad state for this rare creature, considering that many of its fans deem it to be a diamond in the rough world of dating.
The gentleman has followed a peculiar evolutionary line in recent history, with different breeds present all over the world. Many common traits among them include the opening of car and building doors, volunteering to pay for dinner during a date, standing when a lady joins or leaves a table, displaying good etiquette and demonstrating kind and polite speaking habits in public. These are but a few, among other such examples.
Experts now attribute many factors to the gentleman's rapid decline in population. Unlike the male Birds-of-Paradise, which have been driven to drastic levels of sexual dimorphism and the development of dramatic mating displays for the pleasure of their female counterparts, the gentleman has become discouraged by the increasing demands of its female suitors, triggering devolution among some gentlemen. Others have become distracted by environmental factors, such as pay-per-view sports, video games, and pornography, making stimulation difficult. This issue has been compounded by the gentleman's confusion about its natural place in a changing culture, which has evolved to include increased gender equality, common-law relationships, feminism, and female executives.
It is not at all surprising that such an important issue – the disappearance of the gentleman on a global scale – is being raised during a time when one of the most popular songs around the world this last year was Psy's "Gentleman." This mocking number's music video suggests men now more commonly act in childish, rude or delinquent ways rather than those of a true gentleman. Many female hunters have confirmed this judgement as true after repeated trips to the dating pool.
There is some hope for the female hunter who is determined to find a gentleman, but the terrain is dangerous. One of the few regions where they can still be found in decent numbers is in southern American states, such as Texas, Georgia and Louisiana. However, in going there, the female must also embrace other, more unpleasant, characteristics including the prevalence of handguns in hip holsters, racism and intense religious practices.
The World Wildlife Fund has started a relief effort to protect the dwindling gentleman population in its natural environment, and many zoos are now considering housing this elusive creature in a protected habitat, where curious visitors can observe its rare customs.
It is not at all surprising that such an important issue – the disappearance of the gentleman on a global scale – is being raised during a time when one of the most popular songs around the world this last year was Psy's "Gentleman." This mocking number's music video suggests men now more commonly act in childish, rude or delinquent ways rather than those of a true gentleman. Many female hunters have confirmed this judgement as true after repeated trips to the dating pool.
There is some hope for the female hunter who is determined to find a gentleman, but the terrain is dangerous. One of the few regions where they can still be found in decent numbers is in southern American states, such as Texas, Georgia and Louisiana. However, in going there, the female must also embrace other, more unpleasant, characteristics including the prevalence of handguns in hip holsters, racism and intense religious practices.
The World Wildlife Fund has started a relief effort to protect the dwindling gentleman population in its natural environment, and many zoos are now considering housing this elusive creature in a protected habitat, where curious visitors can observe its rare customs.
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